Outlet For a Crowded Mind

I had an awesome day today:

• visited my second favorite Starbucks where I spent some time in the word
• took a walk in Red Stone park where I saw a heron and huge dragonflies
• went to Tattered Cover and listened to Brian Regan while looking through Colorado photo books and Faces in the Rocks
• had dinner and saw Wall-E with two amazing individuals

This was really only worth blogging for the Faces in the Rocks link, check it out.

I don’t blog very often anymore… There are many wonderful, wonderful reasons for that, people that have brought joy and light to my life. I don’t think anyone could truly know how God has blessed me when I haven’t deserved, how God has answered prayer when I sadly didn’t expect HIm to quite as fully. My life right now has love and friendship and all I can say is don’t stop believing…. hold on to that feeling…. God is there for you, not against you. Even when things hurt and even though in our flesh we will never be whole, God will take care of us.

This is photo is a description of my joy:

I was just looking for something in an old storage drawer. I found a lot of old pay stubs and some notebooks from college one and two years ago, but I also found my 2006 planner. I didn’t really use it much but it was kind of fun to look back through the several months I did. My birthday was on a Saturday that year and I scratched out the note classes start; it was the first semester I took off. That year wasn’t the best in my life… but I did find something I had scribbled in the notes.

“Fantasy is like an exercise bike for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it does exercise the muscle’s that will.” -Terry Pratchett

I’ve always treasured my imagination, wanting to hold onto it forever. but it is funny how the imagination does start to fade as you get older, and I’ve tired to fight it by writing.

The start of 2006 for me was, shaky. I so desperately wanted to stay home after Christmas break and not return to CSU but I knew I had no choose. I want to say the time was absolutely horrible and yes, times of it were, but then again… I spent my days with God and the only times I was truly with others it was bible study. I talked to God all time, mostly holding back tears and with a lump in my throat but He blessed me with some comfort. Then I started writing with Brittany. February 9th (documented on facebook) I began a story. We wrote a lot, everyday if we could manage, I was happy again something else to think about then where I was. After awhile though I did begin to ask God if it was okay. Okay that I was writing a fantasy book that wasn’t in the shape of Lewis or Tolkien, that was between lost friends. My imagination is natural, in some ways it ties me to my innocents as a child. I love to write, God has shown Himself to me through my writing. He has built these things in me. I remember the night I thought about God and writing fantasy, I was sleeping on the floor in a house in Colorado Springs. It was the navigators girl’s retreat. I thought about how God had made us in His image and then the wonder of His own creation, of the animals and plants and colors. If we were created in God’s imagine then did He in store some of His own imagination and desires to create in us? I don’t think I can answer that, it is definately not listed as one of God’s spiritual gifts in the Bible, so all I have is an idea. But I do know that God saved my life that year. Without the story I can’t even imagine what I would be like today, what the end of CSU would be like, if my imagination would have died.

I have to end now because I am fairly sure I just killed my computer trying to do something else, but the point I wanted to make is about how much I love writing and how I wish I would write more.

You Tube shows us not only how much time people have on their hands but also how they’re a little bit crazy. Now I’m not talking about the “film yourself doing stupid things in front of your computer” side of youtube, I’m talking about the movie clip montages to horrible songs side. What is going on? Who is sitting there at the computer thinking, “You know clips from The Return of Jafar would really go well with the lyrics of Push it to the Limit from Scarface… yeah, that’s how I’m going to spend my Saturday.” It is cool for this guy, he has gotten over 30,000 views.

It gets worse:

Hook, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

The Count of Monte Cristo, Far Away by Nickelback

Life as a House, Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park

What is really fun is to pick a movie and a song and see if they have a montage marriage.

This is what I got: Don’t Stop Believing, Harry and The Killers in Star Wars

But what would the rest of us do if they’re we’re crazy people on you tube?

Seriously though, God has done two things in the last week that have really been great. I was going to think of some other thing to say there but nothing came to mind, so you get what you get.

1.) First, last Saturday, I spent most of the morning sleeping and the rest with Shannon drinking coffee. After Shannon left I decided to watch a movie and do laundry. At this point I hadn’t seen any of my family all day but didn’t think much of it, I thought it was still a weekday. I continued sitting around, ate a fancy lunch and was maybe going to cramp in some errands before I went to work. Well I realize at 2 that Abby’s first swim meet was that day. I remembered my mom saying it was a home meet and that I should come. Well I quickly showered and spent the whole time beating myself up about how I wasted the day. I called Abby to apologize because I knew the meet had to over by then and I really needed to get ready for work. Abby wasn’t angry at all, turns out the first meet was not a home one, next week was the first home meet.

God taught me not to waste my day, with out me hurting my sister’s feelings like I thought.

2.) Several nights ago I was getting ready for bed, which includes turning on my dvd player and reading my bible before I turn on the TV to fall asleep to whatever movie is in. I fall asleep to a movie essentially because of the reasons in the post below. Anyways, I got half way through the chapter I was reading and decided I was too tired and so I put down my bible and turn on the TV. It took me a little while to notice but it turns out there was no sound, this didn’t surprise me because it is an old TV and could break at anytime. I was a little worried about falling asleep. I decided just to turn on some David Crowder and Leeland and read some more bible. I read Psalm 119 aloud… do it and you’ll know. It was a wonderful night with God.

Now, about ten minutes ago, I turned on my TV for the first time since that night to see if I could solve the sound problem. Turns out that the speakers were off…

God broke my habit of having to fall asleep with the TV on, gave me some time with Him and I don’t have to buy a new TV or be TVless.

No, not the Disney song.

I relieved right now that my room is my worst nightmare at night. I freak out really easily at night, I guess you could say that I’m just jumpy. I’m the person that has to peer around corners or leave the door closed because I things move down the hall. Not much has changed from my childhood, I’m just more rational about it now. Well I get home from work tonight and come down into my basement room. With just the stairwell light on I walk past my desk to put in a CD. Of course there are weird shadows casted against the sheet, which is a wall. I turn with a bit of a jump and start to walk away, only to catch the movement of my shadow in the mirror on the an wall. I look at the wall across from where I’m standing only to see my reflection moving. I then glanced over to the other window in my room just out of spite. Every wall in my bedroom is a free of mine. The sheet is like a shower curtain (which is funny now that I think about it because the half of one wall actually is a shower curtain) and I am afraid of things lurking behind shower curtains. Then the windows have always been a night fear for me since I had a dream about a giant cat-shadow out the window. And the mirror… mirrors just play tricks on my eyes at night. God is just trying to get me over my fears, the hard way.

I feel like this post needs visuals:

Yes, they are blurry for effect.

• David Bowie was in an episode of Spongebob and how David Bowie is amazing.
• The downfall of Spongebob… the first three seasons were so good, same with The Office. Arrested Development got it right, no more than three seasons.
• The modesty levels of swimsuits and why its okay to walk around in one when you’re at the pool or water park but not anywhere else (the answer is obvious but it is still kind of absurd to think about).
• How much I like birds.
• Actually admitting that I like a “teen show” on Nickelodeon.
• What God thinks about sitting around watching tv.
• How much I’ve learned about myself in a year and how much I have become myself.
• Rocky Votolato and his acoustic guitar.
• Undressed.
• Headlights is still the best band to listen to in the rain, even at four in the morning.

I have decided to post some of my most favorite writings as pages.

Time and Time After was actually a story I wrote my freshman year of high school, not my favorite but I put a lot work into it and it was one of the first stories I actually finished.

Meredith and Jeremy is a children’s book that’s not quite finished but which I started my first year of college and still work on (movement is slow).

White Blossoms and The Journal are excerpt from a story that my friend, Brittany, and I have been writing for the past three years. These are just two of my favorite pieces that I wrote.

She sat there for hours I wrote last year, it is the last thing I have written and means a lot to me.

I hope that I continue to add to these and I will write about them as I do.

In honor of my blog’s tagline, I have decided to start my new blog with the song which it comes from.

Heavy is the mind that can’t be told
When its time to let it go

Heavy is the heart filled so full with sorrow

But worry cant help a single thing and
When we’re out of our heads
At least were out in the open

The warning signs of a troubled mind
It’s all the things we can’t see and can’t hide

But when you kiss me in ways I’ve forgotten,
Love is a swimming pool with no bottom
We’ve got to hold on the water is rising

And all we ever wanted is to be loved
Whether sun or stars above
All our trouble all our toil
Is towards no greater earthly goal

So never mind what logic says I say
logic a guy who outta empty his pockets
All we want is an open mind you know the
Kind you can’t earn and can’t buy

And when you kiss me in ways I’ve forgotten,
Love is a swimming pool with no bottom
We’ve got to hold on the water is rising

And everyone spends a little time
Fighting the drift back out to the deep end
When I asked you to throw me a line
Thats when you pulled me out by the heart strings
Hey yeeaaaa

We thought the weight of the world would have us sinking like a stone
If we should ever lose our hold
But we rise to the surface the moment
That we know theres nothing to fear down below

When you kiss me in ways I’ve forgotten,
Love is a swimming pool with no bottom
We’ve got to hold on the water is rising

When you kiss me in ways I’ve forgotten,
Love is a swimming pool with no bottom
We’ve got to hold on the water is rising
Ohh ohh ohh ohh