Outlet For a Crowded Mind

Ever since I heard Markers last February I have loved Rocky’s acoustic strumming, smooth harmonica skills, and appropriate screaming but it really was not until seeing him live that he has become one of my all time favorite musicians. I have started this blog like an essay but I almost feel like I could write an essay about Rocky Votolato.

What was so great about him live? I will tell you. The songs I must say sounded just the same as his recordings, which is a good thing but not always good when you want to see someone live. What was great was how much he reacted the crowd. He played at a small bar venue and it was fairly packed, partly with fans and partly with the trendy people who spend weekends there at the Marquis Theater in Denver. There was a lot of wait time before he played and as I was people watching it was clear that not everyone was there to see Rocky because they couldn’t pronounce his name correctly. This is all besides the point, I just want to set the scene.

Rocky Votolato got up on stage with his acoustic guitar and his harmonica held up around his neck. I truthfully cannot recall what song he started with but I do remember how I never even thought about how good he is at playing the harmonica. It is just not an easy thing to do. The crowd was good, they cheered and clapped and sang along with the lyrics that they knew and then Rocky responded. I first noticed it when he got a little excited and jumped up in down as the people clapped. He just got so happy when he say how much people enjoyed him. He played a song that he had just written a week earlier and later he took requests for what songs the crowd wanted the hear. He made us feel just as important on the floor as he was in the spotlight. Then came the songs I knew and the lyrics that had soo much passion. He throws himself into his songs. I believe he means and feels ever word he sings. I’m sure he has sung “Portland is Leaving” hundreds of times but it still gave me chills. When he had a lyric about laughing, he laughed, when he had a lyric about something he told his wife, he was really telling her again. It was beautiful. I respect his humility in his music and just the ingenuity of it all. This is the way to appreciate music.

I know that I’ve been texting too much.

I was sitting here on my computer, my ipod playing in the background. When I receive a text message the song Strange Magic by ELO plays, so you can guess what song came on that made me get up to check my phone. I feel like the biggest idiot and had to tell someone about it.

My sister, Abby, and I have learned a valuable lesson today, wild animals do not make good pets. Yes, we’ve heard this many times but how many chances do you really get to test it out?

We discovered a mouse in my window well almost a week ago. He was little and cute and Bart was having fun watching him. A night passed and the mouse was still alive so we decided to feed it and keep it as a pet. For the next several days we had our newly named pet, Fabio, living in my window well. We fed Fabio strawberries, bread and cheese and he started making a home. Yes, he look all the trash in the window well and made a nest.

A couple days past and here I am today coming down to see Bart looking out the window in my room. I look to see Fabio and it’s odd, he looks a lot fatter and he is kind of balding. I don’t think much of it because it seemed every other time I saw him it was nighttime. I called Abby upstairs and told her to feed Fabio and as soon as Abby goes outside I see movement in Fabio’s nest. Wait a minute, that’s Fabio. There were two of them and the new guy was gross and not at all cute. Abby threw some bread down before I could stop her and fatty pants (of Draco Mousio, as we call him) starts gorging. Poor Fabio had to fight for his food and only got some after fatty went back in the nest. And so, the drama began.

Currently, Draco Mousio has kicked Fabio out of his own home and is making it larger by shoving rocks into a big pile. (Prior to this there was something going on in the nest… not sure if it was fighting our baby making) Fabio was forced to start a new home in the opposite corner, looks like he has given up and is now finding shelter under some old newspaper. Abby and I are trying to think of a way to kill fatty without hurting our friend.

I was thinking about people leaving. My job is wonderful, I have some of the best interactions at work; the sad part of it has stayed true for the whole time I’ve been there. People leave. I have had more budding relationship and spiritual conversations then anywhere before and they were cut off because people leave. I don’t blame them, life moves forward and one day I will leave the store and perhaps some sad people behind. The truth is we cannot fight change or really predict either, and to that I can say it is difficult but God is brilliant.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

- Ecclesiastes 3:11

It is such a hard thing to admit sometimes, that God has a plan we can’t even imagine while we plan out our day hour by hour and think about 10 year plans. I once thought about God’s will as a puzzle continually being put together, we only see a piece here and there. Ultimately God’s plan surpasses our own and as a believer I can choose to surrender.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

- Matthew 6:34

What does that include? We cannot just sit around and “let God take care of everything.” That is why the key word of this verse is worry. The most meaningful definition of worry, for me, is “disturb the peace of mind.” To not worry is have peace of mind and when God allows tragedy or creates change in our life what is the best spiritual gift He can give us, peace. I like to read that verse and then backtrack.

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will I eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

- Matthew 6:31-33

We know not to worry, not to fold thoughts over and over again in our mind. In my life God speaks through peaces, through silence, a reason why it can be so hard for me to hear Him (my crowded mind).

There are still things that make this difficult to come to terms with. I’d like to give the verse that led me to the second verse, but I cannot find it so I will summarize… Paul is leaving and says that he cannot promise he will return and my bible gives this verse.

“Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life with be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.”

- James 5:13-16

How can we be certain in each other at all? I have a really hard time with cancelled plans, it is like a shock to the system when it is something I was looking forward to, this also goes for the people leaving me. I must remember to have grace, especially to those believers who are following God. I remind myself that this is not a time of rest, this is a time to move and I should want to move with them.

Here comes my final comment (it isn’t a short comment). Wanting.

On the Seekers retreat we talked about admitting our desires to God. I think a lot of us tend to “be safe” with God, to just talk to God about the things we know He would want to hear or for us to think about. We put those childish, foolish inner desires deep in our hearts and minds and sometimes they grow and cause problems. I wrote down at the retreat how when we don’t talk to God about things it means we are trying to solve the problems on our own which is useless. God cares about even the stupid desires of our flesh.

As I thought about things earlier today and then kneeled to pray and lay out my current desires, I was reminded of Christ. I prayed “I want… I want…” and then I prayed that God’s will was more important.

“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’”

-Matthew 26:39

Jesus knew what was coming before he died, he knew his fate and how important it all was, yet he admitted his desires.

God wants us to come to Him and we wants us to be us; no masks, no exhausted phrase and no apologizing for coming to Him with our desires. So don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t think your stupid for not know exactly what God plans for you or for not always knowing how to follow it. He knows. He knows what your heart feelings and what your mind thinks.

I think I’ve wanted to change my status on Facebook way too many times lately. Everytime I have a new thought and I’m sitting at or around my computer I want to change it, that’s not how it should be though. I’m on status over load. At the moment I want to write about how difficult it is to get dragonfly lights out of their box but how they have a wonderful smell of plastic. Earlier I was angry about how much I had to pick and choose what pictures to put up from my vacation, you can only do 60 on an album on Facebook. I wanted to say something about the mouse living in my window well. Abby fed it strawberries but then a giant beetle ended up eating them. Now I have The Hush Sound stuck in my head and I want to say something about that…

I am so glad I have this blog to get all of my statuses out at once, phew.

I’m really not sure what it is about this song, but it is the top of my chart.